Denial

During an interview on Fora TV, Winifred Gallagher talked about the power of denial.  In one of her examples she cites a. Village in China and their custom surrounding mourning.  She said that villagers distract the bereaved by visiting them, keeping company, and bringing them food.  The community shares the burden of the loss.

I find that interesting.  Where I come from, there is also a sense of community when death visits a family.

Death is a part of life.  We anticipate it and be as prepared for it as possible.  I do not mean that in the morbid, philosophical, or religious sense even though the latter, namely religion, dictates the rituals and customs of mourning the dead.

People, for example, become members of what are known as Edir.  These are like membership based associations that help people when death takes one of theirs.

Growing up, I was more than woken up by a town crier announcing that a person has passed away and the date and time of the internment.  The internment is not a quiet affair like you see in the movies.  The cries and wails ascend to a gut wrenching crescendo as the person is lowered into the ground.

After that, the bereaved family stands at the exit of the cemetery.  Mourners who heeded the call of the town crier as well as others who came because they heard about the death will personally express condolences to the grieving family as they exit the cemetery.

Near the family’s dwelling, a large tent will be pitched.  The Edir will typically own these tents as well as other items like chairs, cookware, dishes...anything needed to handle people coming to mourn and pay respect.

Neighbors help pitch the tent, prepare food, and arrange the seats.  They will bring food and drinks and ensure that the bereaved family feels supported.

There will be more gut wrenching crying and wailing.  But in between, there are pockets of calm when people paying respects distract the bereaved through engaging talks.

The tents remain standing for few more days.  People coming in will use conversations, games like card games, coffee rituals...whatever to take the attention away.

Now, watching  TV or listening to music may be frowned upon out of respect to the departed.  So it is not denial all the way.  People get to let out thei sense of loss.  But the community sense is there to cushion them and remind them that they have to get past these trying times.

I understand what Gallagher is saying.  Reading the first few pages of Rapt has made me see that she fought for the good things in life when a nasty cancer tried to pursuance her otherwise.  I see the power of denial.  I also see the virtue of communal support.

The latter may be a slowly cadenced supportive persuasion to return to a more positive life.  Even though it is different in details from the denial Gallagher mentions, it offers a return to a good path.