Self Talk - A Dialogue

 D: John, do you ever engage in self-talk?

J: Good question.  Not sure if I articulate my ideas well when I am alone.  I do get embroiled in anxious imaginary dialogues though.

D: With yourself?

J: NO! More like imagined arguments with someone else.

D: That sounds negative, though.  Do you think we can benefit from cultivated self-talk?

J: Ok, let us unpack that. Or reframe the question.  Can we do “Structured” in lieu of “cultivated”?

D: I can go along with that.  Do you think we can benefit from structured self-talk?

J: Something tells me the answer is Yes.  But I do not have reasoned out answer for you.  So, let me throw the question back at you, or better yet take you a step back.  Why a re you interested in self talk?r

D: I was reflecting on two sources.  One is The Art of Impossible by Steven Kotler and the other is To Sell is Human by Daniel Pink.

J: Ok.  Bookish, are we?

D:(laughs) No, no.  I was just reading a section on grit from Kotler’s book.  One type of grit is the grit to control our thoughts.  Positive self talk is a way to control and manage our thoughts.

J: OK, you causally put in grit into the mix, so to speak.  It seems like grit is what led you to self talk.  Can you unpack that a bit?

D: Okay.  But we may have to start way back, on impossible.  You will have to be patient with me.

J: Ok, let’s

D: Kotler’s book, as you can tell from the title, is about achieving the impossible.  He touts his book as playbook for those people daring to go beyond rational expectations.

J: Go on.  I assume you will eventually tie this with grit and self-talk? Sorry to be blunt, but I am currently not sure about the directions of your argument/thoughts.

D: In my defense, John, I implored for your patience.  Bear with me.  We are getting there.  Now, think of downloading Kindle book with poor internet connection.  ou get a message like: Hang tight, this is taking more time than usual, or something like that.  Same message applies here!

J: (chuckles) Ok.

D: Impossible has a formula.  I will mention this as background without diving too deeply in the book.  I am trying to contextualize self talk in this work before talking about it.

J: Yes, got that part.  In fact, we got to talking about grit, in fact a type of grit that required self-talk.

D: Yes.  So the formula for impossible involves a quartet of skill sets: motivation to get you started; learning to source and curate knowledge; creativity as steering wheel to steer your way to achieve the impossible; and finally flow as an optimal state or as Kotler puts it as source code for intrinsic motivation.  Now, I know i threw in quite a bunch there.  But let us concentrate on motivation, for a while

J: Okay…

D: Motivation, according to this model, is a catch all phrase that includes curiosity, passion, and purpose.  In addition it also includes autonomy and mastery.

J: Where is grit?

D: Grit is what allows you to hold on to your horses on your way to achieving the impossible.  You have to face the daily grind of life, and grit is required to navigate through that.  Thought control is part of six types of grit.

J’ Okay, I think you contextualized both grit and self talk.  To borrow Charlie Munger’s term, you have provided a latticework for understanding one type of grit as well as the role of self talk.

D; Thank you for that feedback.  Obviously, positive self talk is much better than negative self talk.  In the famous words of Henry Ford, whether you think that you can or you can’t you are right.

J; True.

D: This is where I was drawn into Daniel Pink’s breakdown of self talk into positive, negative, and interrogative.  Though positive self talk is much better than negative self talk, interrogative self talk is the best according to him.

J: The terms are self-explanatory, I suppose.  Still, I am a bit curious about the interrogative model of self talk for sure.

D: Positive self talk would be I can do this.  Interrogative may be how can I do this?  It forces at least bullet point answers that can serve as action plan.  How can I code password protection into my software? That is one. Example.  One factor or two factor authentication? That is a question drilling down the first question.

J: Got it.  To confirm, you think interrogative self talk as the most pragmatic?

D: I do.  Grit can be fostered by managing these questions to guide my thinking as well as action.

J: Interesting.  To sum up, what would you say?

D: Impossible drills down to the quartet motivation, learning, creativity and flow.  Grit is part of motivation, and grit of thought control is one specific form of grit.  Self talk provides decent way of controlling thoughts.  Interrogative self talk provides a best solution because it manages the grit of thought control through a series of targeted questions and answers.

J: Okay… quite a bit to chew on!

D: I know….